NALAG CEO Debbie Todkill says grief, loss wear many hats

"For me, the big thing is, you can think you've dealt with it, but unless you address your grief or loss, I think it's going to come back later at some point," Ms Todkill told the Daily Liberal.

"I want people to understand there's no shame asking for support. You can have a lived experience that gives you that compassion and the understanding about what you're going through, but our formal training and counselling teaches you not to be judgemental."

Ms Todkill is CEO of the National Association for Loss and Grief (NSW) - also known as NALAG.

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The not-for-profit was set-up in 1977 in the aftermath of the Granville train disaster, and has grown to become a state-wide provider of free grief and support services for families, individuals and communities.

The organisation has offices in Bellingen-Nambucca, greater Sydney, the Hunter Valley and Mudgee, as well as Dubbo which is also its headquarters. The Dubbo location was chosen due to the dedication of the local volunteers and community that grew the organisation decades ago.

At the time of inception, Dubbo had the biggest membership numbers, and a large and pro-active volunteer base that worked with the Dubbo community to secure the physical building and subsequent growth of the organisation.

Today, Dubbo has five workers - four of whom are full-timers - and there are 80 volunteers across the state.

The team at Dubbo provides grief support, training and education - both via the telephone and face-to-face.

People contact NALAG for a variety of reasons - not only when someone close to them has passed away.

"We explain to people that grief is more than death. Any change can equal a loss and that can equal grief," Ms Todkill said.

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"For the most part, most people have a really good family and grief network to talk about issues and get support, but sometimes it can be a different type of grief."

Some of the reasons people have used the NALAG service include grief due to pet loss, a child getting married, relationship breakdowns, job loss and even COVID lockdowns.

"Some people have had their pets for longer than they've been married or had children. Particularly in the case of horses - horses can live for years and years," Ms Todkill said.

"There are events in life when on the outside they're happy events - a child getting married - but for the parents there could be a sense of loss, because your child could have been your best friend.

"We offer no judgement, so no matter what you're experiencing, we like to say we can work with the basic stuff."

Her biggest tip for people supporting others who are going through grief and loss is to listen.

"Let the person talk. That's the best skill you can have. Even if you've had life experience, you can't say you know what they're feeling because you don't," Ms Todkill said.

"I have had a divorce, I've been through a marriage breakup. You can go through it but you might have someone close to you die, at the same time you've lost your job and your house burnt down.

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"There's so much complex stuff, everyone has different things, and they all add up. So what people experience can be different and we all deal with it in different ways."

The level of support at home can also affect grief. One person might have a supportive partner, while another does not.

"Or someone might go through something really bad that their partner is experiencing at the same time - such as baby loss - that's where someone independent comes in and they can help you," Ms Todkill said.

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NALAG is now on the search for more volunteers for its Dubbo office. Volunteer roles range from telephone support workers to event assistants, clerical support and gardening, with all relevant training provided.

The not-for-profit is also hoping to secure the support of more donations, particularly in the form of business sponsorships.

For more information on all of NALAG's services, training and volunteer opportunities throughout NSW, visit www.nalag.org.au.